I’ve decided to start a new blog about my personal journey through therapy. I’m hoping some of you can relate or share it with others who you think can identify with my struggles. I hope to continue sharing dreamy stories and poetry on this blog as well since I greatly appreciate the comments and follows on this blog. Thanks everyone for your support!
Beautiful in the different shades of purple, pink, orange and yellow
That so harmoniously blend into each other
How the clouds in the sky add texture and personality to it
As the day turns into night
It’s like watching the sun sleep
Watching your heavy eyelids close
as you drift into a land of dreams.
I replay scenarios
in my head
of the perfect thing
you could have said.
But you don’t know
the things I want to hear
because you don’t know
about the things I hold so dear.
You try so hard
to sound so smart
but you seem so clueless
on matters of the heart.
I try to tell you
what’s on my mind
you speak in cryptic
because you’re a different kind.
Your words confuse me
I must confess
With convoluted language
when simplicity is best.
I don’t know how
to interpret what you say
you leave me more confused than
I was the other day.
I sometimes wonder
if we’re even a good match
but I don’t want to lose you
because you seem like a great catch.
I know that we’re both wounded
from a detrimental past
which makes us both believe
that this relationship won’t last.
I’m trying really hard
to open up to you
but your life is still a mystery
and I need to know what’s true.
I thought about how authors write stories and create characters that I fall in love with. I had this idea that I would write a story about you and make the world fall in love with everything I love about you.
I’m not normally scared of spiders and I don’t have a problem getting rid of them (I avoid killing them because of some silly superstition that states that after killing a spider, it rains). I’ve always liked spiders, especially after reading the book Charlotte’s Web when I was a kid.
So this one day, I find a pretty big spider on the ceiling of my mom’s bedroom. I get a Kleenex and gently try to grab it without hurting it. Somehow, I stumble on the mattress and the spider falls – inches from my mom’s face. I suddenly become hysterical and shout,”Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! It almost fell on your face!”
My sister comes into the room to find out what all the commotion is about and is shocked to discover me freaking out over a spider when it has always been her who has been so afraid of them. She helps me locate the spider, half alive and crawling away from where it initially fell. My sister tells me to kill it and I guess I don’t want to have another ‘spider falls out of hand and I get hysterical’ incident, so I squish it. I feel the pop between my fingers. The thought of this spider’s guts exploding out of its body seriously disturbs me and I screech.
My mom and sister begin to laugh hysterically at this whole chain of events and I’m left wondering if I’m more afraid of spiders than I’d like to believe.
A friend once asked me, after a break-up with her boyfriend, “How long will this feeling torture me?”
I reflected on my past experience with break-ups and responded with, “It’s like a series of waves. You have moments of peace and calmness then a sudden rush of emotions come to wash away the castle of happiness you were trying to build. There is no timeline for how long something will torture you, but it’s only with the passing of time that the sharpness of your pain will be reduced.”