My biggest regret was never telling you how much I truly loved you. I remember you trying to convince me that we should just tell our friends we were in love – that my close friend would forgive me for messing around with you knowing she had a crush on you.
I couldn’t help but question how this “love” was possible after only hanging out with you a handful of times. I refused to tell people I loved you because I didn’t believe in love. I didn’t believe in love, until I lost you.
When I look back at our relationship, I remember the exact moment I felt most in love with you. I didn’t have the courage to tell you then because I didn’t know if you believed in love anymore.
We were in a coffee shop and I was feeling really shitty – about myself, my family and my life in general. I felt completely hopeless and sad. You tried to cheer me up by finding objects to distract me from my thoughts. You found this red and green ribbon that was tied into a perfect bow. It must have been around the Christmas holidays, come to think of it. I’d always get sad and lonely around that time.
You brought that perfect bow along with an empty packet of sugar to show me. My eyes lit up and my heart warmed at the sweet gesture of you trying to distract me from my sadness with random, silly things that you knew would totally amuse me.
I’ve kept the ribbon and empty sugar packet to this day. They symbolize the day you made me believe in love.