The ornament of my life

I was a tangled yarn of negative thoughts and emotions when you came into my life. You unraveled my pain and knew all my shame. In your arms I escaped my sadness. I felt like the whole world slipped away and we were the only ones in the universe dancing to the rhythm of happiness every time we embraced.

I couldn’t resist smiling every time I looked into your eyes. I thought about how beautiful they were and wanted to memorize every colour, tone and detail of your eyes because to me, they were a work of art that I one day planned to paint.

You too, must have been memorizing every part of me. I could feel it in the way your eyes would follow your hands as they gently caressed my face and the curves of my body. I know the artist in you was etching the image of me in your memory – in your heart – so you’d never forget me.

To me, you are more than just an image. You are a feeling, a sensation that to this day, I can’t forget. I smell you in the cologne other people wear. I see you in the faces and bodies of strangers. I constantly search for you, hoping I will accidentally run into you as a sign that fate has brought us back together.

I miss the way you kissed me – in fluctuation between soft and gentle kisses with strong, passionate ones that always led to intense love making sessions. Your touch made me feel so desired, so loved. I felt so safe and liberated when I was with you that I let your animalistic urges dominate me. I was introduced to a whole new world of pleasure and learned to seduce and dominate you in ways I never thought I could.

My favourite kiss was the one you would give me on my forehead; as if you were trying to kiss away all my negative thoughts and feelings. It was the best remedy for a sad, lonely heart like mine which grew infinitely with these kind and loving gestures.

love ornament

You were my happiness but a part of what attracted me to you was your own tragedy because it made me feel less alone. I miss the feeling of someone who truly understands my sorrow and knows exactly how to make me smile.

You are the contradiction of my life – the source of my greatest happiness and my greatest pain. I am always filled with mixed emotions every time I hear our friends mention your name. I want you to be happy but it hurts to know that someone else could make you happier than I ever did. I rejoice when I hear about your successes and I can’t explain why I feel like crying when I know you’re in pain.

I lost you, not because I wanted to, but because I had to let you go. You became an anchor of sadness that slowly brought me down – drowning me in your sea of misery. I came up gasping for air in a state of pain and confusion. Sometimes I’d ask myself if I gave up on you – if I gave up on love. I try to reason with myself by saying, “You didn’t give up on love, the one you loved gave up on himself.”

You are the only man I ever loved that I would risk my life for to save yours. I sometimes hate myself for loving you as deeply as I do. It’s the one thing that holds me back from loving someone new.

I accept that we can’t be together but you will always be a part of me – a beautiful ornament of my personality. I know I haven’t lost you because you live on in me and my love for you multiplies every time someone falls in love with me – the part of me that you helped shape.


8 thoughts on “The ornament of my life

  1. Pingback: Thank you for Friday | Primal Night's

  2. those words are my thoughts about her that I could never figure out how to put together, I could never say and always did, I too would kiss her forehead to try and remove her pains and fears, I too loved her to much and lost her because I deep down inside wanted to, thank you

    • It’s always great to come across something that expresses the secrets of our heart that we don’t always know how to express in words. I’m glad you could relate. Thank you for your comment.

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